I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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