The maid of honor just puked.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
