just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When are your genitals available?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
