I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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