The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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