Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
