So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
