Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
