I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
