dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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