Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
