look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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