My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
