Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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