Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
