so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
