omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
