Your face is a jimmy john
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dick very happy bro
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
