Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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