He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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