ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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