I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
