Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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