I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
