We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I forget how to act sober
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