i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
