I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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