i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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