when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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