you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
