he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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