Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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