we have officially lost it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
