Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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