i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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