32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
