WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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