Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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