Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
