Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
