I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
