Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
