i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I lost the right to judge tonight
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
