There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
