finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
