Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
