the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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