Just fell off a train. Bad.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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