I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
