i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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