you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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