i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
