Apparently you make a good broom.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
