remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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