he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
