I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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