OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
