I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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