So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
