woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
