I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
