Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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