he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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