her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
