dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
