My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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