You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
