i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
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Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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