So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
