A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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