Your dad touched me again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
