I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he thought i was a dude.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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