The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will die if light touches me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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