I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
