note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
