peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
