things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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