Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
