Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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