I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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