so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
