You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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