she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
